The Grieving Process
by Spooky4ever
Summary: Grief, the response to loss. There are five stages to grief, five painful steps towards healing. Each stage is different for everyone, but it's all part of the process. Hope can be found, but only if you heal. Can this shattered teamate recover?
1. Stage One: Denial

**Disclaimer: **insert witty I don't own Naruto disclaimer here

**Rating:** PG-13 or T because of a grief induced case of potty mouth.

**Characters/Pairings:** I'll let you figure that out on you own. ;P

**Genre:** Definate angst and all around gloom.

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**The Grieving Process:**

**Stage One-Denial**

_Denial- a psycological defense mechanism in which a person is faced with a fact that is too painful to accept and rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite overwhelming evidence that says otherwise. _

It, it wasn't possible. It couldn't be him lying there so damn still on the cold floor, it couldn't be. Her hands were shaking, _damn it be still! _She inwardly curses. He is not dead, he is hurt, and she can't heal him when her hands are trembling so badly.

Shaky fingers check for a pulse anyway. None. There is no comforting ba-bump beneath her fingertips. No, only cooling flesh, nothing more. The girl is numb, her mind no longer processing the battle around her, only his too pale, serene looking face. Someone is calling her name, and a kunai lands a little too close to her for comfort, but she doesn't care. She stupidly sits back and waits for his eyes to open. _**You're too late **_whispers a cruel voice in her head. _No…_

She only sees him and him alone. There is no blood. No outward evidence of his death. He appears to be sleeping. Like he just lay down without a care for a nap. But she knows, and is pained, to realize his death wasn't that. It was drawn out and painful, there was no care for his wellbeing, no concern, only a single minded goal. The image of him twisting on the ground in agony, phantom screams, his screams, echo in her ears. Tears slide unbidden down her face.

_**He is dead.**_

_No…_

_**He's dead.**_

_No!_

_**DEAD!**_

_NO!_

Accepting is impossible. Her resolve set in stone and her gloves cast aside, she works. _What have you spent the last three years doing? Was your training for nothing? Did you learn nothing? I am not weak, I've become stronger! I can fix this. I can. I CAN! I must! Wake up damn it! Wake up! _Her hands glow with healing charka, and she works feverishly, trying to find the problem, trying to fix whatever the hell is wrong, and restore life. **His life.** She's putting all her energy and heart and **soul **into saving this boy (man).

She won't (can't) give up. She can't let him die. She can't not ever see those deep eyes of his, or hear his voice ever again. She can't go on without him. He is unstoppable, he is determination, he is resolve, he is…her friend? Teammate? Strength? Love? She knows they have a bond, one that has strengthened over time. Death won't separate this one (whatever it is). He can't die, the thought is laughable.

There is an explosion near by, followed by a guttural cry of agony and she is pleased to hear it is the enemy that has fallen and not one of her own. Beads of sweat are rolling off her. Her hair clings to the sides of her face in damp sticky strands. Her arms are beginning to quiver under the strain. Her reserves are getting low, all her energy going into the figure in her lap. But she won't quit, not until she feels the ba-bump of his strong and steady heart under her palms. _I can save him, I can save him, I can save him, I can save him, I can save him _is a running mantra through her muddle head, egging her to **not give up.** She does doesn't realize the battle is over until a strong hand grasps her shoulder, startling her and making her loose her concentration. The glow dies out.

"Sakura." Her name is said firmly, though the underlying tremble is noticeable. "Stop Sakura, it's, it's too late." She whirls around to glare, wrenching her shoulder out of the grasp. Tear-filled jade angrily bore into the speaker's empty ones.

"Don't say that. I can fix this," she says tersely, refusing to listen to those acidic words. The challenging gaze hardens.

"Look Sakura, I'm, I'm sorry it has to be this way but-" If it wasn't for the body in her lap she would have punched the bastard in the face so hard nothing could have knit the bones back together.

"You have no right to say that! Where the fuck were you huh? WHERE?" She's screaming now. Her tears mix with her sweat, leaving her face streaked and blotchy. _This can't be happening…_Her world is shattering, breaking into thousands of tiny pieces that would be impossible to fit back together, but her rage is not spent yet. "Sorry?! The fuck you're sorry Sasuke! All you're fuckin sorry about is that Itachi escaped! You and your fucking revenge! You can't, he's not…damn it! Just shut the fuck up because HE IS NOT DEAD!" Now she is bawling.

_**Weak, you're so pathetic. **_

God she's a mess. She was angry at Sasuke, Sasuke of all people. She knew he was hurting too, even if he wouldn't show it. If she wasn't so upset she would be surprised he hadn't bolted off after his brother yet. _I know I care about you, but I didn't realize just how __**much **__you meant to me._

He didn't say anything, from the shock of her outburst or his comrade's death she was unsure. It didn't matter. Nothing did except for the figure in her lap and the running mantra of _nonononononononoNO! _in her head. She didn't know what to do, didn't know where to go at this point. She didn't want to accept it, couldn't face the facts. Acceptance is facing reality, a very painful one. Denial is all she has besides a flickering hope that has been doused. So she screams, pouring all her despair, sorrow, rage, and pure _**devastation **_into one heart-wrenching cry,

"NARUTO!!!!!!"

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AN: So how many of you thought it was Sasuke at first? Come on! Admit it you SasuSaku fans! Anyways, I've been dying to do a Naruto fic, so this idea was a god-send for me. Health class may be a boring freshman-seminar repeat, but it's also inspirational (tell me, when you think of Health class does coping with loss come to mind?). Yeah, that's what I thought too. But this is great. I have another Naruto story to do but the plot is very so-so right now and I can't start another super-epic-story on top of Dragon Heart. So enjoy this awhile, and of course, please review! I seriously wanna know how many of you thought Sasuke was the dead guy. 


	2. Stage Two: Anger

_Disclaimer:_ see chap. 1

_Rating: _PG-13 for language. again

_Pairings/Characters: _hinted NaruSaku, but its nothing for you shippers to go crazy over.

_Word Count: 1600_**

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**Stage Two-Anger**

_anger: a strong emotion; a feeling oriented towards a supposed or real grievance._

It has been one week, five days, four thousand one hundred fifty-two hours, two thousand four hundred minutes, and ninety million seven thousand thirty eight seconds since Naruto had gone missing during his mission.

A glove coated fist smashed into a tree, leaving resonating crack ringing throughout the training field. The bark shattered on impact, bits of wood biting into exposed arms. The tree snapped in two before collapsing backwards, its roots ripped from the ground in the process. Sakura stood before the fallen tree, her shoulders shaking, chest heaving, fists tightly clenched, a dark look of rage etched on her pretty face. "God damn it!" she screams as her fist is slammed into yet another helpless tree, finding little satisfaction in its destruction.

It has been five days, one hundred twenty hours, three hundred minutes, and eighteen thousand seconds since his rescue team found him dead in Akatsuki's lair.

She whips out three kunai and throws them viciously at the wooden post a few feet behind her, each imbedding deeply into the wood with resounding thunks. She still has a hard time believing it, that Konoha's hyperactive ball of sunshine was actually dead. He was gone all because of a group of psychotic men with selfish and greedy goals. "BASTARDS!" she yells as she takes out a few more kunai and throws them even harder then the first batch. She stands there, trying to take in air in shaky breaths, trying to calm this bubbling rage. The image of his too still body flashes across her vision, causing her to loose whatever tiny control she had grasped.

She is so angry right now. She feels trapped and annoyed and so fucking **livid **it's hard to not go out and kill those good for nothing **BASTARDS **that dared take away **HER **teammate. Right now she'll do anything for the chance to go hunt them down, to kill them slowly and painfully and make. Them. _Bleed_. But Tsunade-sama knows Sakura a little too well, and is making sure none of the Rookie Nin leaves the village. So, she has spent the past two days in her room, locked away from society. She doesn't want to see the fake looked of sympathy on her mother's face. She doesn't want to talk to Ino, or Hinata, or Tenten. She doesn't want to watch her mentor drink herself into oblivion. She doesn't want to deal with remaining Team 7 or any of the others. She can't make herself look Neji or Lee in the eye, the one's who were on Naruto's last mission. She doesn't want to walk around the village, knowing that if one civillian bad mouths Naruto she'll snap. Hell, she can't even go visit Sasuke-kun who was being held by ANBU. In fact, she really can't do anything right now, let alone think clearly, other then think of how much she wants to pound the Akatsuki's faces in. "You just had to take that mission didn't you? Just couldn't stay here, where it was safe!" She roars as she rigorously attacks the poor post with her fists.

She's not sure who she is mad at exactly. Not the team Naruto was on, god no, she knew they were blaming themselves enough. But this rage needed an outlet, she needed someone to blame, and she's just so fucking **mad**.

SLAM! "You promised you'd never leave me!"

SLAM! "We were gonna get Sasuke-kun back together!"

SLAM! "You were gonna be Hokage! You still had a dream to accomplish!"

SLAM! "You KNEW they were after you!"

SLAM! "But you fucking left anyway and didn't say goodbye!"

CRACK!

Finally, the post bends to her fury and cracks, her ferocious kick ending its existence. She hadn't wanted him to leave, so fearful of what would happen to him if he set foot outside Konoha's walls. The mysterious group had been on the move, and it was clear they would be coming for him soon. He had waited till the day of departure before telling her about the mission, when it would be too late to change his mind or get Tsunade to do something. She flipped out on him. She screamed and called him the _"dumbest dumb person I have ever met!"_ She yelled and fretted and stormed out of his apartment with curses under her breath. She never looked back at him, never saw the gentle sorrow in his eyes or heard her name muttered past his lips. She refused to see him off, too frustrated by his stubbornness to deal with him.

It was the last time she saw him alive. But she didn't know that at the time.

The next day she felt so guilty about yelling at him she decided to treat him to ramen when he returned. _You need to stop being so overprotective. He can take care of himself. He's stronger then you anyways, _she had thought. However there was no ramen four days later, only a bloody Lee, a bruised Neji, and an unconscious Yamato. Naruto was gone.

She ran towards a tree and delivered a devastating spin kick to the middle. And she attacks another and another and another, each one having the same fate. "Damn it!" she yells. "This isn't fair! Why Naruto? WHY HIM? Why did you take him from ME?!" And just like that, her rage is redirected from the kitsune to herself.

"Why did I yell at him? How could I say such horrible things to? Why didn't I say goodbye? Why wasn't I strong enough? WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!"

_If only I had been more persuasive instead of a bitch to him. If only I had been nicer. If only I was a little faster. If only I was a little stronger. If only, if only, if only…_She won't cry, she refuses to cry anymore. But the disgust, and hatred, and anger still well up inside her. Her thoughts are everywhere, completely out of control. She finds herself blaming everyone for everything. _If only that stupid fox hadn't attack the village. If only the __Yondaime__ sealed it in someone else. If only I was a better person. If only his team had fought harder. If only Konoha had done something more to fight against Akatsuki. If only those pathetic asses hadn't been born!_

She's killing every tree she can smash, but it's still not enough. The anger keeps building and building and _building_ and she doesn't know what to do with it. She's so confused. She doesn't know who or what to be angry at anymore only that she _is_. She is so entrapped in her thoughts that it takes a minute to realize someone is screaming. It takes her another minute to realize it's her.

"Why is this happening to me?" She rips off her gloves.

"Why did it have to be Naruto?" She focuses all of her chakra into her fists.

"It's not fair damn it! He didn't deserve to die! What did I do to deserve this?" Her hands are raised above her head.

"I WANT HIM BACK!" She punches the ground as hard as she can. The earth beneath cracks and explodes. Dirt and rock rain around her as the ground is ripped apart by her strength. The bones in her hands are creaking and pain shoots up through her arm and it feels _good_. She has dropped to her knees and pounds on the ravaged terrain in front of her, not caring that the training field has been completely destroyed already.

"Why does Gaara get to live but not him?" She cries to the heavens. Her hands _hurt _and bleed, but she doesn't notice. What difference does it make if it's her hands or her soul that is bleeding? In the end, she bleeds anyway. _I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry-_she cries.

Life as a shinobi is rough, hard, and unforgiving. She walked out of the academy understanding that one day one of her friends or comrades won't walk away from a mission alive, one day she herself won't come home. She thought she'd be able to handle it when the time came. But when Sasuke left…who is she trying to kid? This is much harder then the Uchiha's departure. At least then she could hope he was still alive. Naruto, she held his cold body in her lap. "It's not fair," she mumbles as she slumps forward. She's lying on the ground now, on her side and totally unaware of her surroundings. "It's not fair at all."

She falls asleep there, tears drying on her face. She's exhausted physically, mentally, _emotionally. _She doesn't want to wake up the next morning to this living nightmare. She remains there until Team 8 finds her the next morning.

"_Naruto, I know this is silly but…please, please promise me you'll always come back. That you won't leave me." She pleads. Sasuke's face appears in her mind, slowly melting into Gaara's dead one. This last mission has shaken her to the core, completely altering her views. "I don't know what I'd do if I lost you too." There, she said it. _

"_Sakura-chan I'm not sure-"_

"_Please Naruto. Just one last promise," she whispers. She wants to forget Gaara. She wants to forget what Chiyo said to her about the __Jinchūriki__. But she can't knowing that Naruto is at risk too. His face softens, and he smiles at her. He pulls her into a hesitant hug, burying his nose into her sweet smelling hair. Sakura surprises them both by hugging him back. Her grip is tight: wanting and scared. _

"_Alright Sakura-chan. I promise I'll never, ever leave you. Even if I have to drag myself home, I'll come back." And he promises her the impossible because she's Sakura-chan, and he only wants her to be happy. _

"_Thank you, Naruto." And she foolishly believes him. _

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AN: _I put this into the Sakura/Naruto catagory in hopes of getting more reviews (because i only have one so far and its slightly depressing). So please don't come after me screaming how much NaruSaku sucks because I really don't care. I changed it because it seems getting reviews in the Naruto section seems to be a ridiculous competition (my mind is just blown away at how many stories are submitted a day) and I know that some authors prefer to read stories centered around their fav. pairings or stories centered around fav. characters (me for example, I only read stuff in my fav. pairings catagories so...) So, please don't kill me or anything. Instead, how about some reviews hmmm? 


	3. Stage Three: Bargaining

_Disclaimer: _See chapter 1

_Rating/Warning: _PG-13 for language. Characters are a bit OOC if you ask me so I figured I should throw that in to.

_Pairings/Characters: _Sakura, Sasuke, Kakashi, mentions of others.

_Word Count: 2057_

**AN: **I just like to thank everyone who reviewed or put this story on their Fav/Alert list. Your input means alot and keeps me going! Err sorry for not replying, I'm horrible about that,**

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Stage Three: Bargaining 

_bargaining: a type of negotiation in the terms of a trasaction or agreement. _

It was raining. Pouring actually. She thinks it's raining harder today then it was the day of the Third's funeral. She doesn't mind the rain though, no matter how cliché or anticlimactic it seems. She prefers this gloomy atmosphere compared to a bright sunny day. If the great ball of fire in the sky had dared to shine so gloriously on today of all days, well, she would have knocked it clear out of the sky. There was no reason for joy today, not on the day of Naruto's funeral.

It's a small turn out; smaller then it should be for a shinobi's funeral. Sakura notices there are a few civilians here, but not many. Naruto may have finally achieved some recognition in the Hidden Village of the Leaves, but not nearly enough respect. She does notice the large number of genins and chunins and jornins that are attending, and it comforts her a bit that at least her fellows can show some decency for Konoha's fallen kitsune.

She has front row seating, seeing that Naruto was her teammate and one of the people he held closest to his too big of a heart. Kakashi, who arrived thirty minutes late, is on her right while Sai is on her left. Team 8 and Team 10 are in the same row as her. On her far left she can see Hinata openly weeping into Kiba's embrace. Team Gai, Jiraiya, and Yamato-taicho are behind her, as well as Iruka who was most likely comforting Konohamura and his gang. She doesn't look back to see. She knows she'll only start crying too if she does. Somewhere in the crowd stands the old ramen chef and his daughter, and a few Sand ninjas. Sakura doesn't know where the Sand Siblings are; only that they are here and she really doesn't want to talk to any of them right now. Sasuke is here, surrounded by ANBU of course though Sakura hopes he really isn't heartless enough to try to escape now of all times. Only two council members have shown up, probably only for show the bastards.

She is sure that Tsunade's speech is wonderfully heartbreaking and true, but all Sakura can focus on is the pouring rain hitting the ground beneath her feet and the headstone in front of her. _Uzumaki Naruto_ has been etched into the cool stone; a picture of his beaming face propped up in front of it. This headstone in front, this damning stone, is a chilling slap to the face that he is never coming back. Sakura wants to scream, yell until her voice grows hoarse except that she has no room for anger, not anymore. Her anger has been spent in the form of a destroyed training field. Now she only has room for remorse, a gut twisting, and heart-shredding guilt. The if only's swirling in her head.

The rain has soaked her to the bone; the frigid cold the only thing that is really keeping her grounded right now, that and the item clutched in her hands. Dull jade follows the drop of water that falls from her wet locks to the shiny metal of his headband, her hands methodically stroking the soft and smooth black cloth.

Naruto's headband.

It's one of the few things she has left of him. Naruto never had many possessions or keepsakes, leaving little of his memory for her to treasure. She blinks at the watery reflection she sees in the cool metal. It's a little scratched up and the metal has tarnished some, but it's in rather good shape. _He took such good care of this thing. I can hardly remember him ever taking it off._

She is startled from her thoughts when she is suddenly enveloped into Ino's arms. She numbly realizes that the funeral is over. It's time to go. She really doesn't register what Ino says, simply nods and weakly smiles when Ino pulls away and returns the feeble grin before walking away. Shikamaru, chomping on a cigarette, nods to her, his eyes trouble and understanding. Choji nods too, the poor guy is just too choked up to really say anything.

Slowly the crowd parts, a few coming up to give the condolences to the broken Team 7. Eventually Sai, Yamato, Jiraiya, and Tsunade leave too, only the former Team 7 remains. _Look Naruto, we're finally together again. Me, Sasuke-kun, Kakashi-sensei, and your grave. _If only irony would kill her as much as it pains her. She's still standing there, numb and guilty and _grieving _when Kakashi dismisses the ANBU guarding Sasuke and beckons him closer. She really doesn't know what to do, can't bring herself to move. This is all to damn _real_, and she fucking _hates_ it. So she does the only thing she thinks she can do, the thing that her old teacher and teammate seem to have a hard time doing. She talks.

"I'd, I'd do anything to have him back," she whispers hoarsely, the words feel thick and garbled in her mouth. She wonders if they can understand her. She won't look at them, she can't right now.

"Sakura-" Kakashi begins to say, but she continues to talk like he never said anything.

"I'll wish on every fucking star, pray to every god out there, sell my damn **soul** if I have to. I just want him back so badly." Her voice hitches, and she bites her tongue in an effort to hold back those threatening tears. It's still raining, even harder if that was possible. Somewhere in the back of her mind she thinks she should go inside somewhere soon, she could get sick standing out here. But all she does is talk.

"Sasuke…at least when you left I could do something, but this, this I couldn't do anything. Nothing!" Kakashi takes a step closer, Sasuke does nothing, but she can feel his dark eyes burning into her head. "Sasuke, I cut my hair to save you. For Naruto, for Naruto I'd shave my head fucking bald." And she would, honest to god she would if it meant seeing his smile again.

"I'm, I'm so desperate. I'll do anything! Anything you hear me!" And there she goes screaming again. It seems she has been doing as much screaming as she has been crying. She doesn't know who she's screaming to now, obviously not Sasuke and Kakashi who are probably concerned over her mental stability.

Like she cares anymore.

"_Please_. I promise I'll be nicer to him. I won't hit him or yell at him! I'll always accept his dates and laugh at his jokes. I'll always be there for him and I'll protect him with everything I have. I'm strong! I can! Please, please, please _just. Give. Him. __**Back.**_" She's on her hands and knees in front of Naruto's fresh grave, his headband tightly clenched in her grasp, and all she can see is his picture grinning down at her pathetic form. _I'm groveling, fucking groveling in front of his grave. Can't you see how serious I am?! _

"I'm sorry alright! I'm sorry for yelling! I didn't mean any of it! I'm sorry for not being there! I sorry for everything! What do I have to do to make this clear?"

_I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry._

Her grief is so strong. Remorse is rolling around her. She feels sick to her stomach. It's bubbling, growing, flowing throughout her body and radiating off her in waves. She is so ashamed of herself, so disgusted, but at the same time she can't bring herself to get over it, wallowing in her self pity. Regret has swallowed her up; it's all that fills her empty shell. She's strung out and wrought out. The wilting blossom wants this nightmare to end already, but something keeps her from waking up.

Someone is kneeling in front of her. Who is that? White clothes, dark hair…why is Sasuke on the ground? Strong hands are grasping her shoulders, shaking her. _They're so different from Naruto's. They're not rough enough, too pale, too cold, too uncaring…_ "Sakura stop this," Sasuke orders her. She wants to laugh; it's been a long time since he has ordered her around. He'll be surprised when he finds that she won't listen to him anymore like she used to.

"I _**can't**_" her voice is pained; it's dripping and thick like the guilt in her veins. Cut her open and that's all that will bleed out: dark, ugly, stabbing sorrow that has been twisted into something even worse. "Don't you see Sasuke, _**don't you see**_? Begging is all I have left now. I have nothing, **absolutely** nothing don't you understand? Naruto is gone, here in front of us. Dead. I have nothing left to lose anymore." She finally meets his gaze and is rather surprised to see that instead of the expected look of disgust, she sees…she is not sure. It's most defiantly not the typical Sasuke-emotions-aren't-cool-enough-for-me look; it's something she can't place.

"I know how you feel Sakura. My whole family is dead remember?" his voice is tight, barely constrained.

"I don't see how this is the same thing Sasuke. Can you even understand how much he meant to me?" Sasuke shakes her again, harder then the last time.

"Damn it Sakura I do understand! That dobe was like family to me alright?! Naruto meant something to everyone he ever fucking met! You're not the only one whose been left broken by this! He's been taken away from all of us, not just you! This, this bargaining, it's pathetic. Do you think Naruto would have wanted this? Wanted to see you begging on the ground like this? Naruto thought you were so strong! Where is that strength Sakura, cause I sure as hell don't see it!" He's sneering at her now. Now he is disgusted. She shrugs his hands off.

"So what do you suggest then? Revenge? That has really worked out for you hasn't it?" Her voice is like steel, hard and unflinching. How could he of all people preach to her? He, Uchiha Sasuke who abandoned his village to go chasing after his brother for revenge. Was her begging no different then his lust for blood? When one thought about it, made the connection to the grief, weren't they the same? He doesn't say anything to that. His face tightens, jaw clenched so tightly she is sure his teeth are creaking.

Kakashi still hasn't said anything, and she wonders if he is just as numb as she was. "Sakura," she refuses to meet his gaze, she's not interested in another lecture. "Begging isn't going to bring Naruto back."

"The hell? And you think killing Itachi is going to bring back your family?" she snaps. Suddenly another hand has found its way to her shoulder, Kakashi.

"Stop this, both of you. Neither revenge nor begging is the right thing, but fighting in front of your teammate's grave is even worse," Kakashi sounds exhausted, older then he really is. Sakura bites her lip in reply, knowing that her teacher is right. She is such a mess. _Look at me now Naruto. I'm so lost without you. I'm falling apart!_

"You're right, you're right. I'm just so lost right now, and, and…I don't know what to do! I want him back so badly and…" She brings his headband up to her chest, holding it close to her cracked heart.

"Sakura, you must understand. There is nothing you can do to bring him back. Naruto's dead and, as much as I hate to say it, he's going to stay dead." She has never heard Kakashi sound so resigned before. His words hit her hard, leaving her breathless and numb all over again, she feels the same way she did the day she held his dead body in her arms.

_Regretsorrowbitterdispairanguish__**empty. **_

The sky opens up, and one last heavy torrent of rain falls to the earth. The sky is weeping for a lost light. It weeps for the team too caught up in remorse to cry for themselves.

It weeps for the once broken Team 7, now united in front of the grave of a lost friend.

It weeps for the team that is now simply shattered.

It weeps because they will never be whole again.

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AN: Phew, sorry for the delay there. This chapter was really hard to write mainly because the bargaining stage is really more for divorce, with death its acutally the first and/or coincides with denial and seeing that I skipped that in chapter one I wasn't sure how to do this. I seriously spent the first 15 min. in study hall just staring at my notebook thinking, wtf am I gonna write for this? and when I finally got done the first three paragraphs I absolutly hated it. I probably wouldn't have go this up today if it wasn't for listening to YellowCards song Only One and getting bitch slapped so hard by inspiration that I couldn't let it go! Even now I can say this isn't my favorite work, but its the best i got. On the up side though, it is longer. As always please review and hopefully I'll update this story on time next week! 


	4. Stage Four: Depression

_Disclaimer:_ you know where to look.

_Rating/Warning:_ Still PG-13 for language. Fewer f-bombs then before but there's still cursing.

_Pairings/Characters:_ implied NaruSaku more or less; Sakura, Ino.

_Word Count: _around 2382, forgot to double check after making corrections. **

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**Stage Four-Depression**

_depression: a condition where one feels a sense of extreme sorrow, guilt, helplessness, and/or hopelessness. _

"Come on dear open up! Please? I'm really worried about you." A sigh. "Sakura please it's been five months. Don't you think its time to move on?" There is another sigh, weary, frustrated, confused, and finally the woman shuffles away, leaving her alone to the strangling silence once again.

The curtains are tied shut, leaving as little sunlight as possible to brightly filter into the dim and dismal room. The door and windows are locked tight, feeble walls against the too cheerful outside world around her. Her once spotless room that she kept meticulously clean is an utter mess, boarder lining a pigsty. Laundry is thrown into haphazard piles, dirty plates and uneaten meals sitting forgotten, and a myriad of medical scrolls litters her floors. The bed has been unmade for weeks now, sheets twisted and rumpled; its owner hadn't been sleeping well at all. Sakura lies on the floor, dull jade eyes staring blankly at the walls, not really seeing them.

_It's been five months…_

She can't remember how long it has been since she's step foot outside her house, let alone her room. She can't remember the last time she laughed, smiled, _felt. _Sasuke ran off with that _**other **_team of his a week after the funeral. She wasn't surprised really; Naruto called him a cold hearted bastard for a reason. Tsunade had given her a forced leave of absence after she almost got herself killed on a simple C ranked mission. Sakura knows there are a few ANBU posted outside (most likely ordered by her own mentor) making sure she doesn't kill herself. It's been weeks since she trained, days since she has bothered to do anything other then just lay here on the floor. She knows everyone is worried about her.

She doesn't care.

Sakura rolls over onto her back; the scenery change from the wall to the ceiling isn't an improvement. Her hands rest on her shrinking stomach, tangled hair fanned out beneath her. The only sound in her room is her soft breathing. It's a acidic reminder that she is **here, **breathing and alive and he is not. He is now ash, scattered across the country by his own element. And she is alive. She inwardly scoffs at the word, alive.

Sakura is dead. Inside she is twisted, scarred and withering, damaged beyond repair. She feels nothing; there is no pain, no anger, no sorrow. She has numbed herself so she won't feel anymore. Her heart has already been carved out, her chest left empty.

She is hollow.

It does not matter to her that her body is slowly, slowly wasting away. She realizes that in enough time her body will be as lifeless as her spirit, and she actually looks forward to that release. Life is so empty now; waking up to another day is so painful she's given up ever getting out of bed at all. She will just lay here, waiting for death.

_Hell has a special place for suicides._

Her mother is at the door again. Sakura ignores her like she has done countless times previously. She doesn't expect her mother to understand, has given up even trying to make her understand. The woman has never experienced loss, true, stabbing, breath stealing, gut wenching _loss_, in her life. Her mother wouldn't understand anything. For a moment, bitterness rises up from somewhere deep inside her. She quickly squelches it though. She is done with emotions too. Feeling brings back the pain. Her broken heart can't take much more. Everyone is slowly leaving her, no matter what she has done to catch up it's proven for naught. So she's locked up everything in an air tight vault and crushed the key into a fine powder. Everything that made her smile, cry, or laugh, every hurt, every accomplishment, every memory both good and bad, everything that made her Sakura has been sealed away.

Now what is left is a numb heart, a fading soul, a weak body, and a lingering sorrow that eats away at her. It gnaws away, filling her up with loneliness and despair and hopelessness.

"Sakura, I will bust down this damn door if you don't open it!" Ino's voice, _angrystrainedworried_, penetrates the haze in her mind. She bolts up, surprised. _Ino…? _"Damn it Forehead are you listening to me?" Sakura's body is up and moving on autopilot, heading towards the door before her mind catches up to her. There is something in her old friend's voice that galvanizes her into action. It's something that she hasn't heard in awhile, a tone of voice that she remembers clearly hearing in **his** voice. She slowly opens the door and stares dully at Ino's surprised face.

Suddenly Ino is in her room, pushing her backwards and shutting the door behind her. They stare at each other. Ino places her hands on slim hips, studying her with concerned eyes. Sakura does nothing but stand there, unsure of what to do or say. Ino looks good, a little worn, but healthy and vibrant unlike herself. "You look like crap Forehead." Sakura snorts, actually snorts but doesn't say anything back. _Typical Ino…_She turns around, crossing the dump that's her room and plops onto her bed. She doesn't need a mirror to see her gaunt and sickly pale face, her once shiny and full hair dulled and limp. She doesn't have to look to see the dark rings around her eyes, rings comparable to Gaara's.

She is nothing but a ghost of her former self.

What's more sad then her physical appearance is that she is fully aware of the changes and allows them to continue.

"Thanks Ino," she says hoarsely. Both try to hide their surprise at the sound of her voice. _Has it been that long since I have last talked? It's actually been long enough for my voice to fall into disuse? _She racks her memory, trying to remember the last time she spoke. She can't remember. Ino starts talking again.

"So I just got back from my two month mission, you remember that right?" Ino speaks in a clipped tone. "Wanna guess what Tsunade-sama told me when I reported to her? She told me that no one has heard from you, nor seen you in _**three months**_. She said you've been here the whole time I was gone, and that you have been put on temporary leave."

"What's your point Ino?" Sakura says listlessly. She won't meet Ino's gaze, doesn't want to see the scared rage that smothers in her blue orbs.

"My point is that this needs to stop! This, this moping, and not eating and this emo shit you're pulling! You promised you would get out of this stupid house, that you'd try get better! This isn't getting better Sakura!" Ino flings her arms around, gesturing to the messy room and Sakura's haggard state. "Damn it it's time to move on! This won't bring him back!"

"Don't," Sakura pushes herself from the bed, stalking towards the blonde, "Don't tell me to move on. Don't you fucking dare! This, this is Naruto we're talking about! I can't just get up all cheery and go about my day like he's not fucking DEAD!" She screams, her vocal cords straining.

"I'm not asking you to! I don't expect you to be happy or for some miraculous recovery! I'd be even more concerned if that was the case. But what you're doing right now, not eating, not talking, not sleeping, it's not doing anything but hurting you!" Ino spat, meeting her heated glare. Sakura pauses, the retort on her tongue melting away. Her shoulders slump, whatever anger that had pushed to the forefront has retreated.

"Maybe I deserve it," she says softly, exhausted, defeated. Ino actually jerks she is so startled by the sudden change in her attitude. Ocean blue widens in alarm and Ino rushes forward as Sakura slumps back down to the floor.

"What the hell? You don't mean that! Why would you think something like that Sakura?" Ino demands sharply. Her voice is hard but her eyes tell another story. She's concerned for Sakura, she's willingly to listen, to _understand_. And isn't what that she wants? Someone who understands? Someone unlike who bitch of a mother who can't wrap her head around the fact that Sakura is mourning the loss of a demon.

"I, I yelled at him, Ino. I called him all these horrible things and I didn't even tell him goodbye. I did all these terrible things to him when we were younger and I never apologized. He, he was always, _always_ there for me, and how did I repay him? I fuckin' exploded on the guy and stormed away without letting him say anything," her voice is breaking, she's teetering on the edge. "I am-was such a bitch to him. Naruto didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve how I treated him." Tears are welling up, and for the first time in a long time she doesn't try to stop them. Her throat feels tight, it's as if she is choking on her words.

"Sakura," Ino whispers softly, tears of her own building up. "We were all horrible to him at one point. I'm guilty too. But you forget, Naruto didn't care. He always forgave you remember? You were his Sakura-chan, he would do anything, did do anything for you."

"That's the point! He went above and beyond for me Ino! He was so kind, and protective. He had this way of brightening my day no matter what you know? And I just threw that all away. Naruto was proud to be a shinobi, he loved his job. And I yelled at him for doing it. Kami, I'm so selfish," Sakura murmurs bitterly. Ino goes to say something, but Sakura won't let her. She needs to get his out. She wraps her arms tight around her knees, tears dripping off her cheeks onto her bare skin.

"Ino, I think, I think I loved him. No, I'm sure I love him. I do. But I didn't realize it at the time, still thinking I loved Sasuke-kun. But now, now I'm sure he was the one who held my heart. I never got to tell him Ino, and he probably died thinking I hated him." She inwardly crumbles, the walls she tried so hard to build up effortlessly fall to pieces by her admission. She's bawling, sobbing harder then she ever has before. Ino takes her into her arms, pressing her into a tight hug. Sakura accepts it, weeping on Ino's offered shoulder.

It's out, she has finally admitted it. She was in love with Uzumaki Naruto, probably since the day he came back and she learned the terrible burden that had been placed on his shoulders. They had grown closer as time passed by, and she had come to enjoy the time spent together. But now he was gone, forever and she was left behind. The future seemed so bleak without him and the knowledge that she had screwed up and would never get a second chance haunts her.

"God Sakura," Ino mutters in her ear, tears of her own leaking down her face. "I'm so sorry. I wish I was a better friend and stood by you. I'm sorry you've had to deal with this by yourself," Ino gently grasps Sakura's shaking shoulders, pulling back to look her in the eye. "But you gotta stop this. Naruto wouldn't want this. He loved you too, I'm sure of it. And to see the girl he would sacrifice the whole damn world for like this, this probably hurts him more then any words or beatings you threw at him." Sakura bites her lower lip, trying to quell its trembling.

"You're right. I just screwed up so badly and I can't stop the guilt, and…I'm a mess aren't I?" She smiles weakly; a shaky hand pushes her pink locks from her face. Ino smiles a bit too. She can tell already a small weight has been lifted. It would take a long time for Sakura to get past this. She might never fully get over it. But Ino is determined to stand by her friend; she won't let her fall anymore.

"Yeah you're a mess alright Forehead, but that's why I'm hear to help fix you up," Ino hugs her again tightly, clearly conveying her message. _I'll help you get through this, I'm here now. It will get better, I promise. _Sakura is a little surprised; she hasn't felt so close to Ino in a long time. She thought the bridge she had burned between them could never be rebuilt, but the past three years of proven her wrong. For all of Ino's talk, for all her act, she can tell Ino still cares about her, maybe never really stopped. Sakura thinks that on some level she never did too, and she's grateful that maybe she can save one friendship before she screws up again. She hugs back. _Thank you. Thank you so much. _

They pull apart, sniffling and wiping wet eyes and runny noses. Sakura sits back, feeling light hearted all of a sudden. Somehow she is alive again; some light inside her has been rekindled. True, the guilt and sorrow is still there, but the anger and hopelessness has faded some, and that empty pit is a little fuller. She knows she'll never be the same, but that doesn't mean she'll never heal. "So…what now?" she asks hesitantly. She's at a loss of what to do next. Ino stands up, brushing imaginary lint from her purple skirt.

"First we'll clean up this fiasco you call your room. Then you're skinny butt is getting nice long shower and I'll try to fix you up so you no longer look half dead, and then we are going to go out with the others and try to move on. So lets get started, you've made such a mess Forehead," Ino mock sighs, her eyes glittering. Sakura smirks, standing on weak knees.

"Sounds like a good plan, surprising since it's coming from you Ino-pig," Sakura shoots back.

Everything may not be alright, but it will be. All she needs is time, and with the knowledge that one day she will see him again comforts her.She vows that the first thing she will do when she she's him again is hug him close before kissing him senselessly. And no power on this planet would get in her way, so help her. But for now she has to settle with living, continuing the legacy Naruto has started. She will see to it that his memory lives on, in her heart and the hearts of the villagers. So for now she'll smile a little more, laugh too. She'll make the bastards that cut his life short pay and takes pleasure in crushing their skulls. Everyday she'll wake up a little broken, but a little whole too.

It's all part of the healing process.

_When you're dreaming with a broken heart, the waking up is the hardest part._

_

* * *

_AN: Last line is borrowed from the song Dreaming with a Broken Heart by John Mayer. That song makes me tear up all the time. And yes, I threw in some NaruSaku romance because I'm a NaruSaku shipper at heart and just couldn't resist no matter how hard a tried. Meh, now I feel like such an idiot...Anywho, ummm really don't have a excuse for this delay besides work and pure laziness. Because of this, expect the last update to be around Fri, Sat, or Sun this week instead of Weds. We're almost done! I'll actually complete a multi-chapter work! I did my darnest to fix any tense mistakes since I had quite a few in the last chapter, please tell me if I got them all. Review please and thank you! You guys have been amazing with them so far and I shall give out cookies in thanks::tosses chocolate chip cookies:: 


	5. Stage Five: Acceptance

_Disclaimer:_ why must I waste space to tell you all this? you know where to look.

_Rating:_ PG-13 though language has lessened, its still there. also a tissue warning, apparently i've made people cry before (kind of sorry about that ; P )and I believe a warning is needed for this one.

_Pairings/Characters:_ NaruSaku, implied NejiTeten, ShikaIno, and onesided KibaSaku; Sakrua.

_Word Count: 2899, roughly_**

* * *

**

**Stage Five-Acceptance**

_acceptance: the mental attitude that something is believable and should be accepted as true._

"I'll catch up to you later!" the girl shouts over her shoulder as she steps out of the quaint shop. She doesn't hear the muffled, and most likely exasperated, reply. She steps out onto the dusty street, gravel crunching beneath her shoes. She takes a deep breath of the fresh morning air, tipping her head back up towards the sky. She stands there for a moment before turning on her heel and walking away.

The streets aren't crowded yet, it's still too early for the citizens of Konoha. She has no problem navigating her way around the vendors and few people bustling about. She pays them no mind, the item she just purchased held carefully in her grasp. She passes the familiar ramen stand, the only stand she used to eat at daily and still does. She contemplates about stopping for a bowl, she skipped breakfast. She shakes her head, food later; she has somewhere she needs to be.

She continues her journey without any more stops. She runs into no familiar faces, and there is no one else she really wants to see. The sun is climbing high in the sky, warm rays beating down on her exposed shoulders. Spring is in full bloom in Fire Country, the time of the year that really attracts tourists. She has had no time to enjoy the beautiful weather, keeping herself busy because her work at the hospital is never ending now that she is the top medic Konoha Hospital has to offer besides the Godaime. Time has passed swiftly, the village hasn't changed greatly it seems, _no it has changed, there is no doubt about it. _Or maybe she's the one who changed.

Finally she reaches her destination. The path she has traveled so many times before is well known to her, she could make her way here in the dead of night without any trouble. She walks through the gates with ease. A sadden one yes, but she no longer hesitates or trembles like she used to. This place has become one of her haunts (no pun intended) and if you can't find her at the hospital or on top of the Hokage Mountain you will most certainly locate her here.

Konoha's Memorial Shrine.

The cemetery that honors the village's fallen shinobi.

_

* * *

Death is a universal component of the world we live in. Life and Death, Light and Dark, a never ending circle that shapes our lives. Without one, the other is lost, and there is chaos. Death, it is unavoidable, it is definite. That is why to survive we must learn to heal. _

* * *

She skillfully manuvers around the graves, jade eyes passing over names and dates that have little meaning to her. Right now, she is the only one here. Others may come later, most won't come at all. But that doesn't matter to her; she prefers her time spent here alone, with him and only him. She is standing before his grave soon enough. She stares at it, as usual speechless and choked up, even after all this time. A sudden gust of wind whips around her, blowing pink locks in her face. The black cloth of the headband on her head whips with the breeze, billowing around her shoulders.

She feels a sense of peace. The wind is strong and persistent, but calming and gentle at the same time. Her mind easily makes a connection between him and the elusive element, and she smiles. It's as if he's right here with her, the gusts really his arms wrapping themselves around her in a comforting hug. She is able to move again, whatever sadness that had overcome her before has been carried away by the wind.

She steps up to the grave. She carefully frees the purchased flowers from their bindings, a large bouquet of bright yellow daffodils, she just picked up from Yamanaka Flowers. She sets them in the vase, throwing out the wilting flowers from her last visit. She takes the remaining water and uses it to wash away the dirt that has accumulated on the stone. She'll have to talk the care takers (more like threaten) about the uptake on his grave. Again. She notes that someone has already lit the incense, recently too. She suspects Kakashi or Tsunade has already been here. Once she has finished fixing up his grave, she sits back on her heels, satisfied with her work. Delicate fingers trace lovingly over the familiar name. She sighs as another breeze wafts around her.

"Hello again Naruto," she says softly.

_

* * *

Denial. The inability to accept the truth of what has happened, whether it be a conscious or unconscious effort. It is a natural defense mechanism against a horrible truth. It is a method of avoidance, an attempt to run. However death is unavoidable, no matter how hard and how fast we run._

* * *

"It's been a while, I've been really busy at the hospital these days," she tells him. Sakura moves into a sitting position, she can already tell that she'll be here for a while, her promise to meet Ino on time forgotten. "Things are going well, all things considered. Neji and Tenten's wedding is next month, it's going to be quite the party I believe, no matter how stuffy the Hygua's may be. Tenten is a party girl you know?" She leans back, head tilted and eyes lazily scanning the cloud lined blue sky. "Ino and Shikamaru are dating now. I was right about them, you always thought he would end up with Temari remember?" she chuckles lightly, remembering the heated debates they sometimes had about their comrades and their love lives. Who would have thought Naruto was such a match maker?

She talks; she tells him everything that has been going on. She tells him about the new genins, and Team Kakashi, and her work at the hospital. She tells him about the shenanigans she and Ino get into in their shared apartment, the new team Lee is leading, how Tsunade beat Jiraiya to a pulp (again) the other day when he was caught peeking. She informs him about how relations with Suna are going, and that Gaara plans to come by some time this week. She updates him about the going ons with the Rookie Nin, who recently joined ANBU or became a jonin and everything that he has missed. She talks for hours, arms positioned in a relaxed position against sun soaked stone facing his grave. Her voice is light and soft, a hint of laughter and yearning tinting her tone.

_

* * *

Anger. With it possibly comes the most pain from grief. It is a powerful and difficult emotion, one that can form a deep seeded resentment that can waste away years. Anger comes in various forms, and sometimes needs an outlet. Anger is hard to deal with, and if left to fester, can leave you empty, bitter, and alone. Anger only burns, it never heals._

* * *

The sun stretches high in the sky, it's past noon now. She has no plans to leave though, her visit still feels incomplete. She has spent hours in front of his grave before; a few times even stayed the night. Oddly enough she feels comforted when she is here, feels more connected to him then anywhere else with the exception of the Hokage Mountain. She hasn't been out here in a while; she has a lot of catching up to do. She moves from her relaxed position to a huddled one, previously stretched out legs now bent to her chest and arms wrapped around them.

"It's hard to believe it's been two years already huh? It still feels like just yesterday you were leaving…" her chest tightens a bit, and she takes a shaky breath. She didn't come here to cry. "It's, it's not the same without you. I know I say that every time I come here, but…its the truth." Her eyes rove from the grave to the sky again, as if searching for some heavenly reply.

As always, there is none.

"The others think I'm finally back to normal. They don't say it out aloud of course, but they've started mentioning you more often lately," she noticed his name wasn't such taboo subject among their peers any longer, most likely because she has stopped flinching every time he's mentioned. "I'm not you know, back to normal that is. I never will be either. A little part of me died that day with you; they don't seem to realize that." It's true. She won't be the same, can't be. Sure, she smiles more, and laughs more. She still scolds the young pervert that is Konohamura and knocks the daylights out of Sai when the bastard calls her a hag. There is some of the old Sakura in her. But her smiles aren't the same. Only Naruto could truly make her smile, something genuine and soft. Only Naruto could make her laugh, her voice carrying on the wind like chimes. Whatever genuineness she had was lost, no one else but him could bring it back.

It twists her heart, a sharp tug. His laughter rings in her ears, childlike and wondrous. Sometimes she swears she can still hear his whining call of "Saaaakuraaa-chaaan!" or sees a flash of yellow and orange out of the corner of her eye. A sense of melancholy settles over her, and the light smile that had settled on her features morphs into a frown.

_

* * *

Bargaining. A desperate attempt to reverse what has happened. Bargaining is our last ditch hope at preventing the unpreventable. Bargaining is where we will do anything to change the situation. Desperation envelopes our being, fueling us with a feverish resolve to do whatever we can for one last chance._

* * *

She decides that while she in a somber mood that now is a perfect time to break out the more serious news. "Sasuke-kun might come home soon. His latest message is that he has almost caught up with Kisame," she says. Sasuke had caught up with his homicidal brother seven months after Naruto's death. The details are sketchy at best, but he returned bloody, limping, and carrying Itachi's dismembered head in his hands. She healed him to the best of her ability, but he will always carry a slight limp in his left knee and a deep scar on his right cheek. He took off again afterwards, vowing to kill every Akatsuki member. She only wished him the best of luck, wondering if he'd ever come home to stay.

"We might actually beat them, especially since we've halted their operations," she says hopefully. "Jiraiya's spies have noted their slowed activity. I've asked Tsunade-sama if I can go out on the next scouting mission," she says.

Shortly after his death there had been fear going around that since Akatsuki now possessed the nine tails that they were unstoppable, the Toad Sanin said differently. He theorized that five of the nine tails were still sealed; he never gave Naruto the scroll to unlock them. He believed with the fox's power cut in half the Akatsuki couldn't carry on with their plans. Sakura remembers him mentioning how complex the Fourth's seal was, and that something about it was odd when Tsunade examined the body. The theory wasn't foolproof, and even Sakura could spot some large holes in it, but it was the only hope they had. And since Akasuki hasn't unleashed the world's doom, it's believed the Sanin might be right. Immediately both Konoha and Suna sent out search and destroy teams. Sakura herself had been on the most successful one, she herself crushing Zetsu's two-faced head with her bare hands.

They have had some success so far; however the group's mysterious leader still remained elusive. "It's possible we can beat them. Well, even if we lost I'd still try to fight them. I'll never let them get away with what they did to you," she vows furiously. Her rage against his killers will never fade; it has been the hidden but driving force for her through the two past years. She never lusted after revenge like Sasuke, but if she was given the chance to hunt down the renegade ninja she always took it. She delivered justice mercifully and painfully. Their deaths were ones she never will regret.

_

* * *

Depression. When life feels that it has all but stopped. You can't go on; you feel that living is impossible. Sorrow has a painful grasp on you, and nothing seems to be ok. Life for you has faded at this point, and the bleak future promises only death. _

* * *

"It's been so hard Naruto," she confesses. She moves again, this time resting on her knees, hands in her lap, head bowed down. Her hands fist the material of her skirt. "Even after all this time I wake up expecting to still see you at Ichiraku Ramen or our training grounds. When I come out of the hospital I still expect to see you waiting for me. I miss you so damn much," she whispers. "I see you everywhere. In some ways, I think you're still here with me." Her hand goes up to touch the headband, his headband, that she has worn since his death. Her fingers trail downwards, playing with the black silk.

She has only a few of his belongings. Most of his ninja gear was given away, and he had little possessions to keep. A potted plant of his sits on her windowsill, and a few of his T-shirts are tucked away in her closet. What she mostly has left of him are memories, the things that she cherishes the most. However she is horrified to find they are becoming a little hazy. She plans to start a journal, a place where she'll put all her memories of the beloved kitsune to always keep, to fondly read when she is old, if she ever has a chance to be old. She has mixed feelings on that subject.

"Somehow though, I keep going. I don't think I could have gone on without Ino, or Tsunade-sama, or Kakashi, or any of our friends. It's been weird to have you gone, this village hasn't been the same…" she trails off. Should she tell him? "Ino says I need to start dating. Well, more like insisting, because she is Ino," Sakura smiles faintly. "But, I don't think I can love anyone but you. Every boy I talk to I can't help but compare to you and it sucks so much when he isn't much like you at all," she sighs heavily, pushing her short bangs away from her face.

She knows she shouldn't do that, compare guys to Naruto, because there will never be anyone in the world quite like Naruto. But she finds herself turned off by any guy who doesn't like ramen, or doesn't kid around with her, or listen to her when she needs someone to talk to. She prefers her guys to have tan skin, bright smiles, and blue eyes. It's horribly unfair to her and the boys that have taken an interest in her but she can't help it. "I think, I think Kiba might like me, he's been dropping all these hints lately." She bites her lower lip, fine brows furrow in thought. "I'm not sure what to think of it. I know he'll be more understanding then anyone else but…" she sighs again, "it's hard to image myself with anyone but you."

The wind whips around her, somewhere the sound of chimes carry in the air. Its late noon now, and she is very late for her shopping date with Hinata and Ino. For today, she has nothing else to talk about. She may visit again tonight just to bask in the peaceful company his grave provides. If not, she'll be by again next week with more news, as always. She stands, knees cracking from the prolonged disuse. She rearranges the flowers once more, and relights the incense. She stands before his grave, studying each groove of his name. It's still hard to think of him gone and dead, that vibrant and lively boy. Every day she sees or hears something that makes her think of him. But for the first time in a long time she feels alive, truly living and breathing and feeling. Sorrow is no longer her constant companion, and it has been a long time since she has cried herself to sleep. Perhaps she'll think a little more about dating, a little more about laughing for real. Perhaps tomorrow will bring something new.

Her fingers trail over his name once more before she bends over and places a soft kiss on the cool stone. She steps back and turns around, almost wistfully, before looking back once more.

_

* * *

Acceptance. The final stage towards normalcy. It is a releasing of all the guilt and grief resulted from loss. It is the step forward, the step to the permanent change. Once we have begun the process of moving on, to accepting the change, only then can we heal._

* * *

"Goodbye Naruto, I love you." The words that have always haunted her, always lingered on her mind, are finally said to him. The wind rushes around her, a flurry of leaves roll across the grounds. She feels light all of a sudden; some weight has been lifted from her. She can't explain it, never will, but suddenly it seems that everything will be all right from now on. She thinks she has been forgiven, has been since day one but never realized it until now.

She turns around, and steadily walks out of the cemetery. Her steps, her heart, are lighter, and a smile blossoms on her face. She thinks she may be ready. She thinks she can live again.

The wind echos around her, a soft voice carried on the wind whispering to her.

"_I love you too Sakura-chan."_

* * *

AN: It is done! My first multi-chaptered work is COMPLETE! This is a accomplishment for me I must admit it. I didn't think I'd get this posted so late but parents kept perstering me and well, this chapter was a bit difficult. It was a different change of pace from the previous ones where they where all negative, wild emotions and this one was calmer. Overall, I am very happy with and hope it meets your expectations. Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed for this story and/or put it on your alert or favorites list. I'll try to reply to your reviews this time. It was a fun but wild ride folks, thanks for hanging on. One last time, please review! 


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